Single. Much of the time my heart yearns to know why. What's wrong with me that they didn't want to stay?
But I know exactly why so I go listing the reasons and they are endless. Then I curse my imperfections and I dwell and I blame myself, even for things that happened beyond my control. So many mistakes, and I suffer and my kids suffer and I don't want to swallow any of it but it's like the vilest liquid being force-poured into me and it burns all the way down. And the question haunts me again, Why didn't I do things differently?
But I know exactly why so I go listing the reasons and they are endless. Then I curse my imperfections and I dwell and I blame myself, even for things that happened beyond my control. So many mistakes, and I suffer and my kids suffer and I don't want to swallow any of it but it's like the vilest liquid being force-poured into me and it burns all the way down. And the question haunts me again, Why didn't I do things differently?
But then ...
I remember Grace. Peace fills me as I think of that blessed day when my past was nailed to the Cross. I weep thankful tears because of what the deepest part of me knows, that His Blood covers it all, both the things that were my fault and the things that weren't. I rest in that promise He made me--beauty for ashes. I hope again as I claim His plans to prosper me and not harm me. And I know He meant it for my kids, too, and everything has to be alright because He's always working.
Then I hear that familiar, unfailing whisper, only this time I really listen. Let it go and look at Me, beloved.
So once again I fling those chains off and run to Him with all the strength I can muster, and I do let it all go because He doesn't remember it anymore so why should I? Then I'm a bride all over again and I turn my eyes toward the face of the Husband who loves me so, and all I see is the only Thing worth remembering.
216. amazing, matchless Grace
217. curly pumpkin stems
218. the Fort Worth stockyards
219. Christian musicians who aren't afraid to be bold about their faith in secular settings
220. the wisdom of God-given friends
221. new boots
222.Target clothing sales
223. beautiful fall produce
224. HEB's free sushi samples
225. and their curbside grocery-loading service
226. fun new 31-Dayer friends
227. the way He works it all out how you least expect Him to
228. it's October! (my fave month)
229. the way writing about your battles help you figure out ways to conquer them
230. sitting outside on these cool mornings and how it feels a little bit like Heaven on earth. Amen.
*This post is part of a series running through the month of October 2011. Read from the beginning here. Find the other 31-Dayers here.
Then I hear that familiar, unfailing whisper, only this time I really listen. Let it go and look at Me, beloved.
So once again I fling those chains off and run to Him with all the strength I can muster, and I do let it all go because He doesn't remember it anymore so why should I? Then I'm a bride all over again and I turn my eyes toward the face of the Husband who loves me so, and all I see is the only Thing worth remembering.
Behold, I will make all things new. Rev. 21:5
217. curly pumpkin stems
218. the Fort Worth stockyards
219. Christian musicians who aren't afraid to be bold about their faith in secular settings
220. the wisdom of God-given friends
221. new boots
222.Target clothing sales
223. beautiful fall produce
224. HEB's free sushi samples
225. and their curbside grocery-loading service
226. fun new 31-Dayer friends
227. the way He works it all out how you least expect Him to
228. it's October! (my fave month)
229. the way writing about your battles help you figure out ways to conquer them
230. sitting outside on these cool mornings and how it feels a little bit like Heaven on earth. Amen.
27 comments:
Hallelujah He makes all things new. I'm so thankful I'm a new creation. Our pasts are gone! Whoopie Yeah
http://positivelyalene.blogspot.com/
This
I love your list! What's not to love about new boots,sales at Target, and October! :)
Your post really touched me. I have two friends who, at 40, were twice divorced and they asked themselves the same questions. I just remind them to trust in the plan God has for their lives. I know that can be a challenge, but I'm sure whatever He has in store for you will be incredible!
"Then I'm a bride all over again and I turn my eyes toward the face of the Husband who loves me so, and all I see is the only Thing worth remembering." beautiful imagery--for those both married and not. for isn't our whole life lived for the glory of being joined with Him, the One who waits for us with a fierce and everlasting love?
So true, and He does love fiercely!
I trust you're right about that, and I cling to it. I know your friends appreciate you!
I think I hear an "Amen"!
Hi neighbor@ Ann's...I love your honesty...raw struggles...may you continue to receive the Grace God has for all...and continue the beholding...all things new.
Blessings~
"continue the beholding ...". Yes. Thank you.
That is an amazing illustration. SO true! So glad to have you along!
Thank you for your words. Thank you so, so much <3
Amy, I have been meaning to write since I found your blog on the 31 day challenge linky. I have been so blessed already by the things you have shared and I will come back regularly. Thank you for being so genuine and sharing your heart. May God's grace overflow in your life. - Julie atheartandhome.blogspot.com
I have the same feeling, but about my son....oh the mistakes I've made and I just don't know how to fix it. I'm trying to let it go and look to God for the answers.
Thanks for this.
Thank you, and blessings:)
Julie, thank you for your kind words. I'm so glad to get to know you. Looking forward to more of your wonderful 31-Dayer posts, too!
Amen. It's all we can do, really. Offering a prayer up for you right now.
There are things in my past that I cannot look at without waves of guilt crashing over me. I am so thankful that, for the most part, I've been able to move on. I am so thankful that He makes all things new. I love your heart and your words always touch me deeply. Your gratitude list is so simple and beautiful!
Ha ha, I just had to come back to say I just read your "About Me" again and I think I may have called you "Mary" a time or two. But this is my heart cry as well. May we both be Marys!
Barbie, just ... thank you. I take that as a tremendous compliment coming from you. I think that if we haven't moved on yet, it's because we just HAVEN'T. It's not Him holding us back, but rather our failure to receive and take hold of His graciousness in allowing us a do-over, which He does for us as many times as it takes.
Amen! And like I've said, I'm fine with being called "Mary". :) Let's just both keep on letting Him refine us.
This is really powerful. There are things in my life I'd like to white-out but it's necessary to keep moving forward ... and grace ... I'm so thankful for it. (Looking forward to your 31 days!)
And to think ... as far as He's concerned, it's already all been whited-out, and when He looks at us He sees us as spot-free and without blemish. Unfathomable. So excited to have you stop over. Blessings:)
I have ten more years on you for a list of regrets, wish I hadn't done, why did it happen and why are we here...didn't think this is what life would look like at age 50. Then I go down the same path as you and remember again that the Lord has the full picture while I have only a glimpse. He promises to use it all for His glory!
God's glory is being seen through your blogging...thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Janette. We really are all the same, I think. Who among us doesn't have regrets? But sometimes mine seem deeper than the next person's. I know that's just the enemy trying to discourage me. He loves to remind me of all the things I desperately want to forget.
I almost didn't do the 31 day challenge because I was so intimidated by all the wonderful writers. So I decided, Lord, if you want me to do this, I'll do it. I like to write and want to improve my skills, so this truly is a 31 day challenge for me. :) Thanks for following my blog. Blessings!
Hi Amy, I am just catching up on some blog reading and read this post for the first time. Oh, your heart is so authentic and real and raw. Thank you for that because it is through hearing each other's true lives that we find healing and know that we are not alone. I have a lot of regrets, too, and just this past June God brought Genesis 50:20 to my mind and told me that is my life verse. You have a wonderful opportunity to minister and disciple other single women who have been married, and you are doing that in this post. Thank you for your words, and please know that I am praying for you.
Many blessings,
Brenda
Brenda, thank you for your kind words. You are such an encouragement to me, both here and in your writings over at your own blog. Genesis 50:20 ... the story of Joseph is probably my most favorite from the Old Testament. What a testament to the sovereignty of God and to the power of forgiveness. Thank you again--most of all, for your prayers. <3
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