A God of breakthroughs

Sometimes barrenness has nothing to do with child-bearing. I'm the mother of four, so I'm obviously not barren in that respect. But we can experience barrenness in other areas of our lives ... finances, friendship, family relationships, marriage, etc. I heard a message today on the story of Hannah and how God blessed her after a long period of barrenness with a little baby boy named Samuel.

But God had a purpose in making Hannah wait.

In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord. And she made a vow, saying, "O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head." 1 Samuel 1:10-11

What if we looked at our barrenness differently? What if instead of dwelling on what's missing in our lives, we sought the thing God is trying to do in us? What if we made it our mission to surrender, that we might reach that point God wants to bring us to? 

Maybe He simply wants us to stop trying to make things happen on our own and let Him do His work, in His timing. Breakthrough comes once He has accomplished His purpose. So do in me whatever You need to do, Lord. I'm ready for a breakthrough. 

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord." And they worshiped the Lord there. 1 Samuel 1:27-28

276. encouraging words in Sunday service

277. amazing worship

278. he got out of his funk and told me he loved me

279. Snickerdoodles (yes, I had one two)

280. a fun shopping trip with my friend (we laughed the whole day)

281. a ridiculously long Sunday afternoon nap

282. a good, hot pot of beef stew with cornbread

283. hydrangeas

284. my new full-length mirror (I chose one that makes me look skinnier-ha!)

285. everyone is well for the moment ... Amen.

31 Days: #31 Letting go

She was so old and so sick and I knew we only had a few minutes left with her, but they told us she could still hear. So I got down beside her face, that face I knew it would break my heart not to see anymore, and I spoke the words before my chances ran out. No one ever loved me in quite the way you did, and I want to thank you. Why did I hold the words in until just shy of too late? But I could've been 110 and I still wouldn't have been ready to let her go.

Not too many months later, there was more letting go to do as I stood gazing at the shell of him one last time. My mind reeled and emotions raged wild, but mostly I was just broken. And in that moment I learned it all over again, only this time in deeper and more gut-wrenching ways. The biggest battle is in letting go.

Thirty-one days of battles and I could go on forever if I had the time and the tenacity for it. But as I wrap things up on this thirty-first day of October, it also happens to be my firstborn's eighteenth birthday.

Talk about letting go.

This is new for me, relaxing my hold on this being created and grown inside of me. This child who when born from my body took a part of me with her. And now there's a good-sized chunk of my heart that'll go wherever she decides to take it, down whatever path He leads her, even if to the ends of the earth.

As a sixth grader she started in with, "I want to be a missionary, and I want to go to Africa!" and everything in me screamed "NO!". But her wise grandfather (my father) said I mustn't discourage it. So I've had six long lightning-fast years to make peace with the idea, to come to understand that she's not really my child at all but His child. And He put her here to fulfill His calling upon her life.

So here I am in another season of letting go. But this is where it gets the hardest it's been yet, especially since she's half-way out the door already and singing her heart out about it. And to think, only yesterday her adulthood seemed a thousand years away.

This relentless tug on my heart may never let up, but it's a tug that pulls me to Him and forces me to pay attention as He shows me His ways and teaches me trust. So once again, I'll simply let go ...

and let God.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28




May 1999

 


c

October 2009

 

 




Madison & Lulu - October 2011

 

258. the smile on her face

259. the smile in her heart

260. her present came in on time after all

261. chocolate cake for breakfast

262. burrowing down in the covers on cold mornings

263. and I didn't have to pay for the air conditioning

264. because it's finally cold outside

265. Rangers made it to the World series

266. his foot isn't broken

267. what I thought was strep was only a cold

268. I'm going to Blissdom!

269. my new phone is coming in today

270. an email from the Nester ... yes, the Nester!!

271. a fun pep rally

272. a lazy dog

273. a lazy Saturday morning

274. Instagrams - so much fun:)

275. I'm going on a shopping trip with Jace this week and we're gonna have a blast! Amen.

*This post is part of a series running through the month of October 2011. Read from the beginning here.  Find the other 31-Dayers here.

Thanks for sticking with me this month. <3

31 Days: #24 Table for one {and turning 40)

I've been writing about my battles for twenty-three days straight, and I'm feeling the burn. So for this post I think I'll rehash a battle or two. I did something over the weekend that I thought would make me cry but didn't.

Did I mention I turned forty on Saturday? {Goodness, it's still hard to see it in print.} I wouldn't let anyone make me a cake since we've been trying to eat well, but everyone showered me with lots of surprises and attention so I was fine with the no-cake thing.

Until Saturday evening, when I had myself a pity party. It had been a quiet day at home (which I loved), but in the early evening hours I got a little lonely. Everyone ended up being either sick or busy so I knew I wouldn't be going out like I'd planned, and I decided I wanted a bite of cake for my fortieth birthday after all.

But I wanted to stay on my diet, and also I feared going out alone would be too depressing. But since I'm forty now and all grown up, I decided that what the heck, I'd just go out anyway.  So I headed to a vegan restaurant in Ft. Worth I've been wanting to try. Plus, I knew they would have cake because it's also a bakery. 

I felt kind of proud of myself going in there alone. And to my surprise, I actually had fun! The waitstaff is friendly and quirky and interesting, and my waiter's name was Baggins. He educated me on the menu and made some recommendations and made a big deal about my birthday and all. 

I had the spiral burger and and chips and salsa and nacho cheese (except it's not really cheese but cashew-based and you can't believe how good it was). It was all just delicious!

Baggins filled me in on dessert choices, I decided on a chocolate-raspberry cake ball and a peanut butter cup. I learned that I could totally be a vegan and still satisfy my chocoholic cravings.

And here I am with my fortieth birthday cake ball (pic courtesy of Baggins). Time to stuff it in!

YUM! I feel like I've been initiated into a new club or something. An over-40 club, and also maybe a club of  "single people who have the guts to dine out alone".

So, in this post, I actually conquered three battles. I turned forty without a freak-out, I embraced my singleness and dined out alone, and I did it all with messy-but-not-frizzy hair. :) 

242. a crazy-long Sunday afternoon nap

243. red beans and rice in a crock pot

244. my new bedroom rearrangement

245. my cross wall

246. they had a fun sleepover

247. and while they were here, they moved my treadmill upstairs

248. which I prayed might somehow be accomplished (thank You, Lord)

249. even cooler mornings

250. a dozen roses

251. enough Amazon gift cards for a Kindle Fire

252. a zillion Facebook birthday wishes

253. hilarious birthday cards

254. sweet kids who know how to help me have a really good day

255. a thousand balloons in my office

256. quiet Saturdays
257. The Spiral Diner and Bakery of Fort Worth, Texas

257. turning 40 wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Amen.

*This post is part of a series running through the month of October 2011. Read from the beginning here.  Find the other 31-Dayers here.

31 Days: #22 Bemoaning my age

I had a freak-out moment on my thirtieth birthday, and it was all because I happened to look at a teenager's hands up beside my own and I realized how much I'd aged. I went straight to Walmart and bought anti-wrinkle cream (but for my hands only because I didn't care about my face yet). Since that was such a hard birthday, I figured there would never be another one like it. But I was wrong. Another difficult birthday has come, and I've been wallowing a little.

Okay, a lot. This birthday is way worse than thirty. This birthday means that half my life is over--or the good half, anyway. And if that was the good half, I'm not very excited about what comes next.

My problem is, I tend to fall into the trap of believing the enemy's lies that I've already lived my life, that I've spent all my chances, that this is all there is. And what a deceptive foe he is, because despite how I'm feeling right now, I know Grace and I know Him well. I know He's the God of endless chances, and I know that with Him the best is yet to be. So I choose even in my faintheartedness to believe what I know.

Today I am forty. I'm astounded just seeing the words in print. Just yesterday my mom was getting black balloons sent to her for her fortieth birthday, and now it's my turn.

Forty years in the wilderness, and I'm tired of wandering. I'm weary of wasting time. But no matter how many years we've squandered away, the good news is that the day we start anew with Him is the first day of the rest of our eternal lives. The time we've lost amounts to nothing in the scope of an eternity spent with Him.

I look at elderly women sometimes who have been walking with the Lord for most of their lives, and I think to myself, I want that to be me. Today brings me one day closer than yesterday. So here's to the next forty years. No more wandering for me, and I am thankful.

Your sun shall no longer go down, nor shall your moon withdraw itself. For the Lord will be your everlasting light, and the days of your mourning shall be ended. Isaiah 60:20

*This post is part of a series running through the month of October 2011. Read from the beginning here.  Find the other 31-Dayers here.

31 Days: #17 I hate wedding songs.

He was playing a guitar riff that seemed familiar to me but I couldn't place it. Hearing the music made me want to cry and I didn't know why, so I asked him what it was. When he told me, I understood. It was "The Wedding Song (There is Love)" by Peter, Paul & Mary.

I hate wedding songs.

I used to love them. I used to play at lots of weddings and probably even played this song a time or two. But now? Hearing the words of a love song feels like being punched in the stomach.

I'm sure my dream was born with the first wedding I ever attended. The flowers, the music, the pretty dresses, the beautiful bride, the handsome groom, the smiles and romance and the kiss at the end. What little girl doesn't want to be part of a fairy tale? God created us with a longing for a husband, and we dream of it for years. Then at long last the dream comes true and we count on it being forever.

But sometimes it's not. And as unfair as it seems, I must find contentment in this season of my life. And there it is. The battle rages on as I struggle to find peace in my singleness.

Yet despite how hard it is, I know Him well enough to know He's hard at work weaving these threads of heartbreak into the intricate tapestry of His beautiful plan for my life. It just so happens that right now the side I can see looks especially ugly and knotted up. But even as this dangling mess of string obscures my view of a hopeful future, I trust Him to take care of me and work it all for my good and His glory. His handiwork is exquisite, without exception.

So may this longing for a husband keep me running to the only Love that can heal a broken heart. And may the pain purify me in preparation for whatever comes next. Meanwhile, when I hear a pretty love song may I sing the words to Him.

231. hope.

232. beautiful, bittersweet music

233. it's gonna get colder this week

234. Central Market's yummy food samples

235. he can drive now 

236. she got third chair again

237. my new little owl windchimes

238. Kathryn Stockett (so glad she wrote The Help)

239. the way they cast the movie ... so good

240. how hyped up and excited they were coming out of their very first ever middle school dance

241. he peed in the floor today, but I know those puppy terrible twos are coming to an end. Amen.

*This post is part of a series running through the month of October 2011. Read from the beginning here.  Find the other 31-Dayers here.

31 Days: #12 I like banned books.

Maybe it's because I'm a librarian and librarians are known for being against censorship. But I don't think that's the reason I like banned books.

My all-time favorite series is Harry Potter. I think it's just phenomenal. When I finished the last book, I was stunned at how J.K. Rowling had orchestrated all the intricate details of such a complex storyline and how she tied things up so neatly--and all in a way I never expected. I was both stunned and impressed.

It does have witches and wizards and magic, and I struggle with that. But my struggle comes not because of the sorcery in it, but because so many Christians have banned it and I feel guilty that I don't want to.

I'm afraid of witchcraft in real life because I know the Bible speaks clearly against it. But Harry Potter is fantasy. The witchcraft in this series seems very different to me than the witchcraft in our world today (not that I know much of anything about it).

But I wonder what's so wrong with Harry Potter as compared to The Chronicles of Narnia? I dearly love The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.  But it has witchcraft, too.

Obviously, Aslan's death is an allegory of the Crucifixion, so is that what makes it okay to read, in spite of the White Witch's part in the story? Do Christians find Narnia superior to Harry Potter because C.S. Lewis authored other Christian books and J.K. Rowling didn't? What about the themes of good vs. evil? {Click here to read an interesting article on Rowling discussing the religious themes of Harry Potter.}

I know that the writings of Rowling vs. Lewis serve two different purposes, and in most cases their works belong in two completely different genres. However, in the case of these two series, not really. They are both young adult literature. They are both fantasy. They both have witches. They are both wonderful.

But that's just my opinion. Please don't get me wrong--I don't like all banned books. Nor do I like them just because they're banned. It's part of my job as a librarian to consider the book as a whole and decide whether it's a worthy read. But it's human nature that our interest is sparked the moment a book is thrust into the center of controversy.

Take William P. Young's The Shack, for instance. Supposedly many Christians feel it's theologically un-sound. I'm no theologian, so I'm not sure about any of that, but I do know it's fiction. And I loved it.

And then there's Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life. Some Christians are really against that one, too. I can't even speak intelligently about why. All I know is that when I read that book several years ago, it drove the point home to me that this life is but a vapor and our we are not here by accident. I even said I'd read it again if I ever lost someone close to me because it would remind me that we are only here on earth for a short time until we are reunited with those we love who've gone on before us. I didn't reread it after all, but its message has stayed with me.

I'm pretty content just keeping my nose in my book rather than worrying about whatever it is people have against the thing I'm having a marvelous time reading. Ultimately, we all have to yield to that still, small Voice.

So my prayer is that He would show me what it's okay and not okay to read. Meanwhile, I thank Him for freedom to read and for the blessing of brilliant authors and their ability to string words together into profound works of art, giving us that wonderful thing we call "books". I can't imagine how different life would be without them.

*This post is part of a series running through the month of October 2011. Read from the beginning here.  Find the other 31-Dayers here.

31 Days: #10 Legalism

This past Wednesday night I stayed home from church, and I didn't really have a good reason to except that I was tired and just wanted some time to myself.

So I sent the kids on and settled in for a relaxing evening, but it wasn't long before the guilt crept in. It's the same guilt that has kept me faithful as a church attendee for my entire adulthood.

So as that oppressive cloud settled in over me and squelched my plans for the night, I pondered what was really going on and thought about all the ways I've let this guilt control me in the past. It's a wonderful thing to attend church every time the doors are open. And I suppose that if one has no other motivation, going out of sense of duty is better than not going at all.

But guilt as a motivator doesn't set well with me anymore. I'm tired of failing to measure up to this unspoken list of legalistic standards. I'm weary of trying to adhere to the very rules Jesus died to obliterate. Who is this judge that guilt-trips me, anyway?

I'm thinking it's me. So I hereby reject legalism in favor of just plain loving Jesus.

Lord, may I pay my tithe not out of obligation, but because I love You and want to further the ministry of Your Kingdom ...  

May I serve You not because I can't say no, but because it brings me joy to use the gifts You've given me ...  

May I find my identity not in my past, but in You. So what if I've been divorced before? Your blood has washed me holy-white and I don't have to answer to anybody for it (including the Church) ...  

May I look at others not in judgment, but with eyes of compassion. May I see them as You do and love them with Your love ... 

May I never again drag my exhausted self to church out of guilt, but let me go instead because I crave fellowship with Your people and I'm absolutely desperate for Your rejuvenating presence ...

So bring on the conviction, Lord, but may the self-condemnation be gone forever, in Jesus name. 

I'm done with religion. You don't need it when you have relationship.

For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:2

231. I gave my talk and God showed up

232. three-day weekends

233. thundershowers

234. new friends

235. welcoming hearts

236. friends you can text "PRAY" to and they will, even if they don't know why

237. new curtains and how they can transform a room

238. His leading

239. quiet days to myself

240. Pier One and Pottery Barn catalogs (I can always dream)

241. He set me free

245. reconnecting with old friends

246. pears

247. seafood enchiladas at Rockfish (heavenly)

248. deep, dreamless sleep

249. a rekindled desire to eat healthfully

250. the sound of RAIN hitting the roof, and once again drought is ended. Amen.

.

*This post is part of a series running through the month of October 2011. Read from the beginning here.  Find the other 31-Dayers here

31 Days: #6 Frizzy Hair

I know this post will only apply to a fraction of those who will read it. But when I think of the many things I battle, it seems only right that I address one I've fought every day for most of my life--however superficial it might be. And that's my hair.

I know it's not an earth-shattering topic, but it's just a fact that my hair is crazy and always has been. I try not to wish I could've had my mom's thick, smooth, pretty, straight hair instead of my dad's coarse, curly hair that has a mind of its own. There's just no use dwelling because I didn't get her type of hair.

So I realize that it's all a matter of accepting how God made me, and apparently He likes me best with an unruly mop. It's funny how many people have told me through the years that they wish they had my curly hair, as I'm standing there looking at them with envy and wishing I had theirs. So we want whatever it is we don't have, and we have a hard time being content with what we do have.

As my grandmother would tell me, I should just be thankful I have hair. And since I do--and since it's crazy hair--I thought I'd share a few favorite products I use to tame my frizzies. These products aren't crazy-expensive because remember? I'm Target-girl.

• Brocato Cloud 9 Miracle Repair -- This is my favorite shampoo and conditioner duo right now is. It's too expensive in my opinion unless you get it on sale at Ulta. Last time they had a sale, I stocked up.
• BioSilk or Paul Mitchell Super Skinny -- Hair serum is a must, and I like both of these, but BioSilk smells better in my opinion.
• Big Sexy Hair Root Pump Spray Mousse -- I love the smell, love what it does, and love spraying it through my hair rather than putting a blob of mousse in my hand first.
• Big Sexy Hair Firm Volumizing Hairspray Spray and Play Harder -- The smell is great for hairspray, and it holds like crazy without getting stiff as a board. I love it. I get this on sale at Ulta also.
• My cute pink Chi -- This is the absolute best flat iron I've found. It gets so hot that I can't believe it doesn't melt my hair, but it doesn't. It just makes it smooth (at least until I go outside!).
• Conair Big Curl Hot Rollers -- I only need five, and it really helps. But I use my Chi first.
• Ion Heat Protection Spray -- This is my favorite. It's not the hairspray-type flat iron spray.

And that is how I make my unruly psycho-hair smooth. But I don't dare try it on rainy days. 

This has to be the most shallow post I've ever written, and typing it all out makes me wonder why I don't just accept my hair for what it is and let it be how God made it! Happy hair-styling!

*This post is part of a series running through the month of October 2011. Read from the beginning here.  Find the other 31-Dayers here.

31 Days: #3 Lamenting my past

I loathe it, I will always loathe it, and seems at times I'll never find peace for all this loathing of it. I never, ever wanted my past to look the way it does. A little girl doesn't grow up expecting to one day bear the shame of two failed marriages. Yet here I am, and in a few days I'll be forty years old and single.

Single. Much of the time my heart yearns to know why. What's wrong with me that they didn't want to stay?

But I know exactly why so I go listing the reasons and they are endless. Then I curse my imperfections and I dwell and I blame myself, even for things that happened beyond my control. So many mistakes, and I suffer and my kids suffer and I don't want to swallow any of it but it's like the vilest liquid being force-poured into me and it burns all the way down. And the question haunts me again, Why didn't I do things differently? 

But then ...

I remember Grace. Peace fills me as I think of that blessed day when my past was nailed to the Cross. I weep thankful tears because of what the deepest part of me knows, that His Blood covers it all, both the things that were my fault and the things that weren't. I rest in that promise He made me--beauty for ashes. I hope again as I claim His plans to prosper me and not harm me. And I know He meant it for my kids, too, and everything has to be alright because He's always working.

Then I hear that familiar, unfailing whisper, only this time I really listen. Let it go and look at Me, beloved.

So once again I fling those chains off and run to Him with all the strength I can muster, and I do let it all go because He doesn't remember it anymore so why should I? Then I'm a bride all over again and I turn my eyes toward the face of the Husband who loves me so, and all I see is the only Thing worth remembering.

Behold, I will make all things new. Rev. 21:5

216. amazing, matchless Grace
217. curly pumpkin stems
218. the Fort Worth stockyards
219. Christian musicians who aren't afraid to be bold about their faith in secular settings
220. the wisdom of God-given friends
221. new boots
222.Target clothing sales
223. beautiful fall produce
224. HEB's free sushi samples
225. and their curbside grocery-loading service
226. fun new 31-Dayer friends
227. the way He works it all out how you least expect Him to
228. it's October! (my fave month)
229. the way writing about your battles help you figure out ways to conquer them
230. sitting outside on these cool mornings and how it feels a little bit like Heaven on earth. Amen.

*This post is part of a series running through the month of October 2011. Read from the beginning here.  Find the other 31-Dayers here.

Unexpected

This morning I woke up wanting to cry and not knowing why. Then just before church a friend texted me asking to meet up for coffee later. I dearly love this friend of mine and always get excited when we make plans to hang out.

But I almost declined because when I'm in a funk I'd rather be alone. And then I thought twice about it and remembered how much I enjoy our talks, so I went ahead and said I'd go.

So once I was free I called her and she said "I'm coming" and we met up at the appointed spot, her not feeling much like being in public either and all embarrassed in her athletic shorts and t-shirt, and me all weepy and overdressed in my church clothes and jewelry.

Yet there we were, and in no time we were both in tears and partaking in some much-needed deep conversation. So I stayed for two hours, just talking and listening and breathing in His peace and her wisdom. And I walked away smiling, with way fewer tears and a desire to take my focus off of self and pray for her instead.

It was totally unexpected, yet exactly what I needed. Every now and then a little time spent with a good friend can leave you feeling like you just got a touch from Jesus.

201. he asked for a haircut on his own and I didn't even have to press
202. sitting outside in these cooler evenings
203. pizza delivery
204. unexpected visits with good friends
205. she got third chair out of 164!!!
206. I figured out how to use a tire gauge, kind of
207. the kids still watch the same movies they liked as toddlers
208. our Target has groceries now
209. clementines for $3
210. lots of ideas for 31 Days posts
211. chai tea lattes
212. Mexican Inn's corn tortillas
213. he brought all his grades up
214. the way they laugh when the dog rolls over and plays dead
215. fall has begun, and cooler weather just has to be on its way. Amen.

A handful of dirt

I saw the couple standing across from me and my heart broke all over again. I pried my gaze away but the next place I looked was another couple, arm in arm. And then another. Everywhere, couples standing together, being there for each other. It made me want to scream.

So I turned my eyes to the flowers on the casket and tuned in to the preacher's words. This time it was my uncle who'd gone to Heaven, his departure only four weeks after our last big loss. The one that shattered our home and ripped me in half.

The preacher droned on. "Until He comes again, death is our only exit from this life...." I didn't want to listen to the words I so desperately needed to hear. Being at a funeral again this soon was killing me and I just wanted to get out of there. So I looked away from all those infuriating couples, away from the casket, and toward the fresh mound of dirt only a few footsteps away. The urge to scream vanished as waves of grief overcame me. How can the broken pieces of a soul keep on shattering? But sometimes they can.

All these women have their husbands by their side and mine is  under that pile of dirt. As the preacher wrapped things up, the mound beckoned me. When I reached it I fell to my knees and rested my hands on the dirt, the anger rising up again. How could you do this to me? You should be here with the kids and me, not down there. We need you. But the closest I could get to him was a handful of dirt.

So I cursed my circumstances and squeezed that dry, dusty dirt in my furious fist and watched it fall through my fingers to the ground. Again I fought the urge to scream because how rotten is it to hold a handful of worthless dirt instead of the thing you really want?

But oh how much like that dirt are the things we treasure in this life. The more tightly we clench them, the more easily they slip away. So I knelt there longing to touch the one who'd left me, despising my fistful of stupid sorry dirt, knowing my yearnings were futile because none of it would bring him back.

How much more easily I could've borne it all if only I'd known the seeds God would sow in that ugly-brown mound of dirt. If only I'd realized the amazing things He can do through heart-wrenching circumstances like mine. If only I'd understood that losing this love would drive me to my one True Love and into the deepest love relationship of my life.

When my babies were little my Granny used to tell me kids need a certain amount of dirt to be healthy. She was probably right, but now I'd take it a little farther than that. Today I'd say that sometimes the dirt is what keeps us alive.

Even still, God is using that wretched mound of dirt to sow into me the seeds of love and mercy and healing, and to root me firmly in Him. To feed me, grow me, prune me, and transform me into someone who's finally starting to get it, someone who is living the abundance of life in Christ. The growing pains have been more agonizing than I can articulate, yet more life-giving than I ever dreamed.

I'll never stop thanking God for all He's done in me and for the new life He's given me. And to think it all begin with a wretched pile of dirt.

161. the life-giving seeds He sows in our hearts

162. awesome worship this weekend

163. good times with great friends

164. godly wisdom imparted to me by those I respect

165. the Holy Spirit's leading

166. birthday camp-out in the back yard was a success

168. Discount Tire Company

169. tears shed during communion yesterday morning

170. how much fun his gigs are

171. and I didn't forget my phone this time

172. the busy (but fun!) week of classes ahead

173. he's fifteen now and I love every single day I've had with him

174. redneck camping lights

175. party food (despite the next morning's food hangover)

176. I got this week's classwork done in one sitting

177. dogs. I just love 'em!

178. my dream come true of having a home filled with music

179. his beautiful songs and the way they make me cry

180. the puppy chewed a hole in the carpet and now I can't find it.:) Amen. 

And the wind blows

I should have known something was blowing in yesterday. Or maybe I should say blowing out. This relentless Texas heat wave has lasted for such a long time now. But yesterday something was different. It was windy and a few degrees lower (but only a few). 

So only a day ago the wind was blowing and I was in turmoil over some things. But God brought something big to a close yesterday in my life, and now I see that winds were blowing in the spiritual realm, too.

This morning I'm having coffee out back in my swing. And guess what ... I need a blanket. It's still breezy and almost cold out here, and I can't believe it. It's like He's moved that heat wave on out of here right along with what needed to be over and done with and gone from my life.

And so the wind blows, and a chapter closes.

Sometimes we hate the wind. It blows trash into the yard. It blows our skirts up and our hairstyles all out of whack. It blows things in our eyes. It can be irritating and sometimes downright dangerous. But there are some things that just need to be blown right on out of here, and He knows it.

So this morning I'm thankful He's still on His throne, He's still moving like the wind, and cool breeze never felt so glorious.

"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit. " John 3:8

141. fall is coming, praise God!

142. Starbucks vanilla coffee right out of the press. Yum.

143. watching the doggies play

144. a family that has my back

145. lunch with a wonderful friend

146. friends who pray for me

147. friends who encourage me

148. the worship gig went okay

149. God's reminders that there are always opportunities for witness

150. he did the yard for me

151. things are calming down a little at work

152. my back porch swing

153. I still can't believe I'm actually a student again

154. the worship gig went okay!

155. Texas barbecue

156. I'm back in contact with one of my oldest and dearest friends

157. some of my friends are starting to write ... so exciting!

158. my Mama was sick, but she's better now

159. the countless ways He somehow makes it all okay

160. His beautiful wind. Amen.

A sad goodnight

It's something he really wanted to achieve, something he worked hard for. "Will you pray for me, mom?" he asked just this afternoon. And of course I already had been and then did again, right then.

But I also talked to him about how God's plans don't always line up with our plans. Sometimes He keeps things from happening for us because He knows a better way. I said that when God says no, we have to trust in the big picture.

Much of the time His ways are past finding out, and sometimes the biggest disappointments in life turn out to be the greatest blessings. As it turns out, he gets the chance to see if this is one of those times.

He said he was okay when I went in to say goodnight, but my heart was heavy as I walked out of his room and away from that great big boy who's still a precious baby to me. Sometimes life seems like one big let-down, and I want more than anything to take his hurt away.

And I thought, how much more must my Heavenly Father desire to take my pain? How must He long for me to know that His way is best, that this is all for my good and His glory? It's a lesson I, too, needed reminding of right about now. And though I hurt for my child, I pray that before long he'll see that this was for the best. That God has it all under control.

That He's always working. Always.

121. lessons learned in times of heartache
122. she made cookies again, this time snicker-doodle
123. Jesus Culture
124. payday finally came around
125. a great first week of school
126. roast, carrots, and potatoes for Sunday dinner
127. the puppy can jump on the bed now
128. that thing I've been wanting to end for over two years is almost over, praise God
129. when He gives us glimpses of the big picture
130. I'm a grad student again ... can't believe it worked out for this semester!
131. a fun night out with good friends and great music
132. he marched in his first show and made me so proud
133. she sings in her room and doesn't know I stand outside and listen, and it's just beautiful
134. a clean house
135. surely only a few more days of 100°-plus weather
136. a visit from my Daddy
137. fun people to work with
138. he actually wears his new glasses
139. chord charts
140. knowing that despite how things appear, He's still on the throne ... Amen.