31 Days: #26 The allure of gossip

A gathering of women usually means good conversation, and it can get so lively at times we end up competing to be heard. Isn't it fun, then, when we have something so good to say that it silences all mouths in the room and draws attention immediately?

You see their eyes grow big. They sit forward in their chair a little. And if it's something really good, you might even get a little gasp.

It's the reaction of others that compels us to reveal our juicy tidbits to each other, and this kind of gossip makes me sick. It's childish and indulgent and sinful, and I usually have no trouble staying away.

But what I do struggle with is letting gossip enter my one-on-one conversations. And that's because telling secrets is fun. In fact, the only thing more fun than telling them is hearing them. At least I take comfort in the fact that I'm not purposefully malicious when I'm talking to a friend.

But then again, what gossip isn't malicious? I like to tell myself it's innocent, especially if I'm talking to someone I know I can trust. Or someone who would never repeat what I'm telling them. Or maybe I'm simply sharing the information with this particular person for their own good. Or maybe for my own good. Or better yet, for the good of the person I'm talking about. 

This kind of gossip is also childish and indulgent and sinful. And it ought to make me just as sick.

The thing is, we can be taught our entire lives that gossip is wrong, but we don't understand just how hurtful it can be until we become the one they're talking about. 

So may the Lord God Almighty protect me from the allure of gossip. May He convict me like crazy when I'm tempted to engage in idle conversation, and may He grace me with enough self-control to keep my tongue on a leash when I'm all but bursting with juicy stories to tell.

Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to. 1 Timothy 5:13 NIV

*This post is part of a series running through the month of October 2011. Read from the beginning here.  Find the other 31-Dayers here.

5-minute Friday: "Friends"

GO.
A friend is someone who, when she comes over for supper, you don't feel the need to pick the crumbs out of your butter first. You don't rush to scrub your bathrooms, you don't do your kids' hair, you don't even pick the clothes up out of the floor because the last time you were at her house it was so messy you couldn't believe it and when you saw it you just smiled to yourself and whispered Thank You, Lord.

A friend is thrilled for you when something good happens. She might wish it for herself too, and she even might be a little jealous but prays herself through it. But even more than that, she prays you through it.

She doesn't demand all your time. Yet when your life falls apart, she's there in a flash. When you mess up and things are all out of whack, she's there. And she doesn't judge but instead comes clean about what she's thinking. And still you don't feel condemned because she knows your heart even when it seems no one else does. She does the one thing you need the most. She points you toward Jesus.

A good friend loves at all times--loves you, loves your kids, loves your man, loves your parents. She even loves your dogs. Lord, may I be that kind of friend.
STOP.

* Linking up with Lisa-Jo over at The Gypsy Mama today. Happy Friday!

Unexpected

This morning I woke up wanting to cry and not knowing why. Then just before church a friend texted me asking to meet up for coffee later. I dearly love this friend of mine and always get excited when we make plans to hang out.

But I almost declined because when I'm in a funk I'd rather be alone. And then I thought twice about it and remembered how much I enjoy our talks, so I went ahead and said I'd go.

So once I was free I called her and she said "I'm coming" and we met up at the appointed spot, her not feeling much like being in public either and all embarrassed in her athletic shorts and t-shirt, and me all weepy and overdressed in my church clothes and jewelry.

Yet there we were, and in no time we were both in tears and partaking in some much-needed deep conversation. So I stayed for two hours, just talking and listening and breathing in His peace and her wisdom. And I walked away smiling, with way fewer tears and a desire to take my focus off of self and pray for her instead.

It was totally unexpected, yet exactly what I needed. Every now and then a little time spent with a good friend can leave you feeling like you just got a touch from Jesus.

201. he asked for a haircut on his own and I didn't even have to press
202. sitting outside in these cooler evenings
203. pizza delivery
204. unexpected visits with good friends
205. she got third chair out of 164!!!
206. I figured out how to use a tire gauge, kind of
207. the kids still watch the same movies they liked as toddlers
208. our Target has groceries now
209. clementines for $3
210. lots of ideas for 31 Days posts
211. chai tea lattes
212. Mexican Inn's corn tortillas
213. he brought all his grades up
214. the way they laugh when the dog rolls over and plays dead
215. fall has begun, and cooler weather just has to be on its way. Amen.

5-minute Friday: "In Real Life"

5-Minute Friday time! ... where you just write for five minutes without worrying whether it's just right or not. I'm linking up with the Gypsy Mama for today's topic: In Real Life.

Go.
I've been thinking about technology--what it does for us vs. what it does to us. Just last weekend I had a freak-out over forgetting my phone on a night out, then the next day I met a good friend for lunch and we ended up sitting and talking for three hours and I was reminded how much better things are in real life.

I look back on how much talking we did during that rendezvous. How much laughing. How much it wouldn't have been the same as texting or Facebooking or blog-commenting. Not the same at all.

So what does technology do for us? It offers convenience, connection, and a definite coolness factor to our lives that I really do embrace and feel thankful for. But what does it do to us? It can control us. It can cloud how we perceive another's words. It can trick us into thinking connections made through electronic media are enough.

People want community, and this desire didn't originate on Facebook. Even though sometimes online is all we have, it's not always enough. What would life be without hugging, tone of voice, laughing, or seeing for yourself how someone's face lights up when they first see you?

Our Creator made us with a desire to need each other. And who among us hasn't missed someone? If you've ever been away from someone you love and then been reunited with them (or even if you haven't) you know that nothing beats real life. Nothing.
Stop.

When God picks your seat

A cute girl in a trendy business suit sat across the aisle from me. I kept glancing her way, and I could've sworn she was looking at me, too. I wanted to ask her why she was headed to North Carolina, but I didn't have the nerve.

As I rehearsed the conversation I would have in my publisher meeting later that day, I stole another glance her way. It looked like she was reading some sort of article about pitching a book. I had to close one eye to see because I only had one contact in (I can be nosey sometimes).

I was starting to get a headache from looking sideways so long, but I watched as she folded her article up and put it away. Next, she took her glasses off to take a nap ... and then I recognized her. She was the girl I'd connected with on Facebook a few days earlier! We'd made a deal to critique/edit each other's first chapters for our book proposals. I knew she was from the Dallas area, but I never asked about her flight information. It turns out she chose the same airline as me and the same flight as me ... and God chose our seats.

I finally spoke. "Um, are you going to a conference?"

"Yes ...."

"Sarah??"

"AMY??!!"

Both of us: "OH MY GOSH!!!"  I don't know about Sarah, but by the flight's end, my throat hurt from talking so much. It was a delightful flight.

It was the first in a weekend full of God-moments.

It's funny how things change. When I left town for this conference (She Speaks 2011), I was on a mission to find a publisher and get a book deal (you can read about it here). By the time I hopped on the flight to come home, a book deal really was the last thing on my mind.

I'm not completely sure how that happened. My publisher meetings went okay (who really knows what'll happen? ... it's a waiting game that can take weeks). But while I was there, the Lord confirmed to me that if He's laid a message on my heart, He will provide opportunities to get it out. It might be through a book, but it might not be--and I'm okay with that. I do love to write and will continue as He leads.

But back to my weekend ... it's hard to describe it, except to say that the Lord made His presence known in tangible and amazing ways, and I just soaked it in ... the speakers, the girl time, the books, the hotel room, the teachings, the food, the laughter, the tears, the connections, the worship ....

My crazy friend of 20 years, Rhonda (we laughed our
heads off all weekend! Well, and cried a lot, too!)

I couldn't even blog about it all when I first got home because I was too overwhelmed (in a good way). The two most important things I took away:

1) I've surrendered my own plans to Him. I want His plans rather than my own because His ways are perfect, and He knows far better than I do what's best for me. A long time ago He promised me beauty for ashes--and He knows perfectly well how to make my life beautiful. After all, He is the Creator of beauty. I will let Him do His work in me, and I will not interfere. I really won't. I'm done trying to make things happen on my own strength.

2) I'm determined to live my life with a grateful heart. I will thank Him, no matter what. I've always been taught to thank Him in all things ... and even in all the trials of my life over these past few years, I've found tons of reasons to be thankful. But I had come to a point where I'd stopped looking for new reasons (you can read my revelation about gratitude here.) My new mission in life is to find things to celebrate even in the cruddiest moments of life.

To sum it up, it was a weekend unlike anything I've ever experienced ...  I pray I'll be able to remember and apply all the great information I learned ... I pray I'll always hold on to the things the Lord showed me while I was away ... and I pray He'll let me go again next year!

For now, I'm thankful I get to be home and hug my kids (and B!) and pet my doggies. Even if the trip was wonderful, it's always good to come back home. If you prayed for me while I was away, THANK YOU. :)

Do you have the "write" degree?

I dedicate this post to a friend of mine (you know who you are...). It's kind of funny. My friend and I are both writers, and we are also both musicians. I was an English major, and she was a music major.

My friend is a great writer, but she's not crazy about letting me read what she writes. She always points out that I'm the one with the degree in English...that I'm the one who knows about clauses....that I'm the one who understands active/passive voice...etc., etc., etc.

I understand how she feels. It took me a while to get the guts up to play in front of her. It can be intimidating playing in front of someone with a music degree when you've never had formal musical training. But she's always said that it doesn't matter. I protest because of all I don't know. I don't always follow the rules of musicianship...I don't know how to stack chords...I never studied music theory...etc., etc., etc. Sometimes I just feel inadequate around professional musicians.

Likewise, I suppose she feels intimidated letting me read her writings because she doesn't have the same training I have (which is kind of comical since I earned most of my degree reading Masterplots summaries and Cliff's Notes rather than studying the actual works themselves).

The fact is, our education doesn't always necessarily match up with our calling. My friend is a writer without an English degree. I'm a musician without a music degree. But you know what? The Holy Spirit anoints my music anyway. He anoints her writing anyway. He equips us and empowers us to do what He's called us to do. All it takes is for us to humble ourselves and then say "Use me, Lord".

Who cares if we don't have a clue what transformational generative grammar is? Who cares if we can't explain why the world needs something called the circle of fifths? I'll just keep on abusing ellipses and playing strange chord progressions as He leads me. I'll trust Him and keep my heart open to new possibilities. I invite Him to do with me as he pleases. The Lord doesn't care what degree I have. My incompetence is His competence. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. Pretty cool, when you think about it. He's a pretty awesome God. :)

So he answered and said to me: "This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' says the Lord of Hosts. 

- Zechariah 4:6 NKJV

My scattered life

I'm so tired I could cry. Anything and everything has happened this week, and there is simply too much to do.

I had to make a trip to Wal-mart yesterday afternoon to purchase some things for work. Among the things I bought were some of those Rubbermaid shoebox-size containers I plan to use to organize things in my office, so I bought a whole bunch of them (if you saw my office, you would understand).

I got checked out, proud to have finished my shopping quickly, but as I was loading everything up in the back of my vehicle, I heard this dreadful sound behind me. I didn't really want to know what had made that noise, but I turned around anyway to see that most of my thirty-two brand new lids had blown out of my buggy and across the parking lot. Ugh. I'd barely had the courage to face Wal-mart, let alone chase lids across the parking lot. Thankfully a nice man and his daughter helped me gather them all back up again and get them loaded.

And as I drove off, I thought about how right now I am just as scattered as those stupid lids were. As any educator will understand, May is one of the most stressful times of the year. To add to this, I've had a child in the hospital this week to visit daily, while my other three have had all sorts of nightly activities to attend. As a result, I'm overwhelmed and plain worn out. The kids and I have had little to wear because I can't get the laundry done and nothing to eat because I can't find time to go to the store. So after all these days of little sleep and eating on the run, my body is suffering. And the pressure has been building and building, to the point where I feel like I might explode at any second.

One morning this past week, I read a devotional that talked about Daniel and how he was in the habit of praying prayers of thanks three times a day. He didn't complain to the Lord about his problems, the way I've done so incessantly lately. His habit was to thank God, no matter what was going on in his life. When I read this devotional, I thought,Wow...I need to take a lesson here.

But did I take a lesson? No. Instead, I went right on being stressed. I went right on not praying and dwelling on all that's wrong right now. On the way to work, I said "Excuse me, Lord, but what are you doing to me, here? How much can one person possibly handle? How am I supposed to get all this done? Why do You give me so much at once?". When I got to my library, it was more of the same as I verbalized my complaints to my friend. I griped and cried and whined and moaned and complained. I was one pitiful mess.

But then a teacher who'd been working across the room stood up and walked over to me and said "Let's pray, right now". I was caught off guard since the last thing I'd thought about doing in the midst of my pity party was to pray. But she prayed the sweetest prayer ever---a prayer that brought incredible peace to my heart. It turns out she was stressed, too, and her prayer was a wonderful reminder that in the midst of chaos, we can call out to God and ask Him for His peace, His grace, His help, and His strength. It's all there waiting for me, but so often I forget to simply reach out and take it.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Thank You, Lord, for people You've put in my life that remind me to pray, and thank You that when I am so scattered and weary that I can't accomplish anything efficiently, You pull me back in and bring me to a place where I can rest in You.