31 Days: #10 Legalism

This past Wednesday night I stayed home from church, and I didn't really have a good reason to except that I was tired and just wanted some time to myself.

So I sent the kids on and settled in for a relaxing evening, but it wasn't long before the guilt crept in. It's the same guilt that has kept me faithful as a church attendee for my entire adulthood.

So as that oppressive cloud settled in over me and squelched my plans for the night, I pondered what was really going on and thought about all the ways I've let this guilt control me in the past. It's a wonderful thing to attend church every time the doors are open. And I suppose that if one has no other motivation, going out of sense of duty is better than not going at all.

But guilt as a motivator doesn't set well with me anymore. I'm tired of failing to measure up to this unspoken list of legalistic standards. I'm weary of trying to adhere to the very rules Jesus died to obliterate. Who is this judge that guilt-trips me, anyway?

I'm thinking it's me. So I hereby reject legalism in favor of just plain loving Jesus.

Lord, may I pay my tithe not out of obligation, but because I love You and want to further the ministry of Your Kingdom ...  

May I serve You not because I can't say no, but because it brings me joy to use the gifts You've given me ...  

May I find my identity not in my past, but in You. So what if I've been divorced before? Your blood has washed me holy-white and I don't have to answer to anybody for it (including the Church) ...  

May I look at others not in judgment, but with eyes of compassion. May I see them as You do and love them with Your love ... 

May I never again drag my exhausted self to church out of guilt, but let me go instead because I crave fellowship with Your people and I'm absolutely desperate for Your rejuvenating presence ...

So bring on the conviction, Lord, but may the self-condemnation be gone forever, in Jesus name. 

I'm done with religion. You don't need it when you have relationship.

For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:2

231. I gave my talk and God showed up

232. three-day weekends

233. thundershowers

234. new friends

235. welcoming hearts

236. friends you can text "PRAY" to and they will, even if they don't know why

237. new curtains and how they can transform a room

238. His leading

239. quiet days to myself

240. Pier One and Pottery Barn catalogs (I can always dream)

241. He set me free

245. reconnecting with old friends

246. pears

247. seafood enchiladas at Rockfish (heavenly)

248. deep, dreamless sleep

249. a rekindled desire to eat healthfully

250. the sound of RAIN hitting the roof, and once again drought is ended. Amen.

.

*This post is part of a series running through the month of October 2011. Read from the beginning here.  Find the other 31-Dayers here

Gloria Vanderbilts {be still, my 80s heart}

I wanted them so badly, but my parents thought spending crazy amounts of money on designer brands was ridiculous. I was only in the 7th grade, though, and everyone else had them. Everyone. I was the only uncool kid in the school. I didn't have Calvin Kleins or Jordaches, either, but I was willing to bypass those lesser names in pursuit of the ultimate.

Ah, Gloria Vanderbilt designer jeans. The 1983 edition. I salivated just daydreaming of owning a pair. The little handwriting on the back pocket ... the little duck on the front pocket ... being twins with every other girl in school ... so many beautiful benefits! I knew my life would be complete if I could just have them.

My beloved jeans! 1983

So after I saved my money up for half a lifetime, my mom took me uptown to Ann's Dress Shop to make the purchase of the decade. My patient mother must've been sick watching me spend $40-some-odd dollars on something that ridiculous. I can still see her shaking her head in silence as Ann rung me up and I eagerly unwadded my bills. I couldn't get home fast enough. I needed to get those new jeans on ASAP!

I'm sure I wore them every day for a month. I think the back problems I've had in my adult life originated from those jeans because for days I walked around with my torso twisted so I could stare at the embroidered handwriting on my back pocket. Would you believe someone actually snapped a picture of it? That's me to the right, in my Granny's house with my new jeans on. --->

I wish I could remember how long it took for the new to wear off and the buyer's remorse to settle in. It was a whole lot of money to spend on something so frivolous, especially for a junior high kid.

The Lord showed me even then that possessions can't make us happy. Unfortunately, He has to keep on teaching me the same lesson because even as adults we want what everyone else has. And then each new thing we acquire only fuels a desire for more things. This is why buying superficial things to satisfy the yearning of our hearts never works in the long run. One of my friends never lets herself make even a $50-purchase without thinking it over for a day (and praying about it first). I think it's a practice I need to adopt.

I know the Lord loves to bless us abundantly with things we enjoy. But He also wants us to be good stewards of all He's given us, and He longs for us exercise a little self-control now and then and find our treasure in Him.

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  Matthew 6:19-21

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.  Romans 12:2

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.  Matthew 6:33 

For all that is in the world--the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life--is not of the Father but is of the world.  1 John 2:16

By the way, I'm proud to say that today I wouldn't dream of buying my kids a pair of designer jeans. In fact, I despise spending lots of money on apparel of any kind. I have four kids to clothe--sweet, reasonable kids who don't bug me for the equivalent of 1980s Gloria Vanderbilts. We're more just your every-day Target and Old Navy kinda people. :)