31 Days: #23 The burden of unforgiveness

I got an email recently from a reader that said something like, "I read your stories, but I still don't know exactly what happened."

That's because I've never written about what actually happened. And I'm not sure why because if we could meet for coffee I would tell you everything. I would tell you that it wasn't an accident or an illness, but a choice. A selfish decision that wrought untold devastation upon our family. A hasty act that left me a widow and his children fatherless.

He took his own life. And when he did, it changed ours forever. I couldn't have known how hard it would be to forgive something so huge. Hurting me is one thing, but hurting my children? The agony of that reaches depths I never imagined.

I couldn't have understood how it feels having a wound that never really heals. A wound where you never know who or what is going to knock the scab off and then you have the mess to deal with all over again. A thousand times over, again.

I couldn't have realized how utterly beyond my control this life really is. How people you love and need and depend on can leave you in cruel ways, just like that and it's over and there's no hope of closure.

Yet the Lord says I must forgive, and I know it's more for my good than for the good of a person who'll never know this side of Heaven. Unforgiveness is an awfully heavy burden to carry.

So I ponder how my children have suffered, and then I remember how I hurt His Child but how He forgives me for it. I think about this wound that wears no band-aid and how it keeps me running to the Great Physician whose healing love does miracles. I reflect on how the pain of it all has taught me to relinquish control to the only One who knows what He's doing.

And one thing He's doing now is teaching me to be more like Him. So I will follow my Healer's example and forgive. Not only for one selfish act on one day, but for all future hurts, holes, sorrows, anger, bad memories, everything yet to happen as a result. I forgive him for it all, in the name of Jesus.

{I feel lighter already.}

"...Forgive, and you will be forgiven .... A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Luke 6:37-38

*This post is part of a series running through the month of October 2011. Read from the beginning here.  Find the other 31-Dayers here.

I {still} slam doors.

We had a "misunderstanding" over the weekend. Well, actually I had a misunderstanding--and it wasn't pretty. I got angry and let him know it. He tried talking things out, but I only got more upset.

So I got my angry self up and marched right out of the room and away from the words that would've brought me peace if only I'd listened to the truth of what he was saying. I even slammed a door on my way out.

And you know what he did? He opened that door right up and came and found me and said he was sorry for hurting me, sorry for the thing I was upset about. Sorry for the thing I misconstrued to be something it wasn't.

So I acted like a baby, and he showed me compassion.

And today it brings me to tears how much he cared that I was hurt--in spite of my anger, in spite of the fit I threw, and even though the reason for it all existed only in my imagination. That's quite an example to set for someone {like me} who used to feel justified in getting mad at the other person simply because they got mad at me first. Or for someone {like me} who goes around slamming doors when they get mad. I thought I'd risen above that sort of thing.

There was a time not so long ago when I said I was done with relationships, done taking chances on love. Then a friend heard me say so and warned me not to place limits on what God might be doing in my life. She assured me there would be someone else in my future, and I remember her words clearly as she prophesied: "He will be so full of Jesus that he will bring tears to your eyes and healing to your heart."

And what a difference the love of Jesus makes. How it heals the hurts of our past. What mercy. Thank you, Lord.

Oh, and B? I'm sorry again. Thank you for loving me anyway. You are full of Jesus and it does make me cry.

181. he opens doors:)

182. he loves Jesus more than he loves anyone else

183. he's painstakingly careful with his words

184. he brought me roses again

185. and I'll never, ever get tired of seeing them or smelling them

186. he's up for fun outings on the spur of the moment

187. he lets me play in his band even though they are professionals and I'm not

188. he gave an amazing message on Sunday (even though it made me want to sink down and disappear into my chair a little)

189. his music makes me bawl my head off

190. he calls me during the day

191. he texts me, too, even though he still has a flip phone and each text must take him forever

192. he cherishes the word of God and has hidden more of it in his heart than anyone I've ever known

193. he makes me stop it when I'm being negative about myself

194. he hollers {really loudly} at the TV screen during football games, even in restaurants 

195. then he's like, "What?" when I laugh about it

196. he's a blast to hang out with

197. he prays for me

198. he strives for excellence in everything he does

199. he's an amazing leader {in settings of worship and otherwise}

200. he has the memory of an elephant yet he never, ever uses it against me. Amen.

Just one touch

It was a risk, and she knew it. To be there was breaking the law. But He was her last hope, and she was desperate.

So she pushed her way through and reached out for that one precious touch. And in an instant the healing came and He felt power leave Him and He turned around and she fell trembling.

But isn't it just like Him to speak the perfect thing to calm our fears? "Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction." (Mark 5:34)

He's our only hope, too. May we seek Him the way she did, and may we know His touch today.

When tears fall

It's been two and a half years, and she hasn't really cried at all. She's stubborn and strong and able to accomplish things far beyond what her years would make you think she should or could.

But she was only nine when she lost him, and how can it be healthy to never cry over him?

I spend much of my life trying not to cry over all kinds of things, depending on where I am or what time it is or what I'm wanting to cry about. But still, there comes a point when I just can't hold it back and the tears have to fall.

I heard a preacher say once that tears are one of the best gifts God gives us when it comes time to grieve. That's good news for a crier like me. But it's bad news when you see someone you love refusing to let those stir-crazy tears out of prison.

So I've talked to her and I've prayed for her and I've shed endless tears myself, yet countless times I've looked at her and seen the tears rising up and all but spilling over, and then I've seen her stubborn self just stuffing them right back down again.

That is, until last night. She finally cried, praise God--and just because she misses him. And so the healing begins.

And He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:4

5-Minute Friday: "Whole"

TGIF! It's time for 5-minute Fridays ... where you just write for five minutes without worrying whether it's just right or not (I'm linking up with The Gypsy Mama today). Today's topic is "Whole" ...

GO!

I've noticed lately how the New Testament is full of broken people looking for healing, people looking to be made whole. Isn't the world exactly the same today?

Whole ... {w}hole ... hole.

That hole--we all have it. That yearning, that deep desire for something more.

We try filling the hole with the love of people, with lots of money, with great jobs, with the most coveted possessions and extravagances ... but none of those things can satisfy. None of those things can make us whole. Instead, they leave us feeling empty and still searching.

Only His love can fill that empty void--that hole. Only His love can cover us and flow into the deepest recesses of our hearts and bring healing.

Interesting what a little "w" can do. Thank God that He is my "W" ... my big, beautiful "W"! The "W" that changes everything. Where would I be--where would any of us be--without that "W"?

Only His love can make us whole.

STOP.

The healing room

"...and by His stripes, we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

I've experienced unbelievable warfare in the past couple of weeks, and now I know why. Yesterday is a day I will never forget. Yesterday I was healed.

Last night I took off from serving on my praise team to attend a worship service that my boyfriend, "B", was helping to lead. It was quite a ways away, so as we were driving, he talked to me about some things. I am so thankful for his boldness in talking to me even though he knows my tendency to react emotionally. I can be a hand full, but he is always very tender in the way he prays for me and encourages me. And yesterday he knew I was in need of some ministry. (Did I mention how wonderful he is?!)

He encouraged me to be careful about the things I speak. He's noticed some negativity coming out of my mouth. Not toward him, necessarily, but just about my life in general--about my past, about the kids, about the way things are for us now, and about the future. So he talked to me about the power of the spoken word and about how important it is not to speak negatively about the things I am praying for.

He helped me realize that I am likely placing limits on God by the things I say. He gave me a scripture, and he made me read it aloud, slowly, twice. :) He also had me count how many times  the word "says" occurs...

For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.  Mark 11:23-24 NKJV

I could see immediately that even in the times that I do have faith, I talk myself out of believing that what I'm asking for will come to pass because of the negative words that I speak. But according to this scripture, proclaiming that God is going to move in my life is as important as believing it.

I think that many times we as Christians limit God because of our intellect and level of education. But His power is beyond our understanding, and our expectancy can't possibly reach the degree of His ability to move in our lives. How could it? God is infinitely powerful, and He can do anything He wants to do, but we are trying to understand Him with our finite minds. It's beyond our capability to truly comprehend the magnitude of His power.

But on the other hand, what's the point of asking God for something and then proceeding to talk about how it'll likely never happen? That's just plain silly. But it's exactly what I've done.

B talked about the many, many people who come to Christ when evangelists and missionaries travel to third-world countries. People receive the gospel there more easily. They receive healing. To them, these things aren't far-fetched at all. Some would say that people who live in those places don't know as much as we do, but I say they know more. Sometimes intellect just gets in the way.

It was one of those life-changing, Spirit-led discussions. As it turned out, this conversation was a segue into another one of equal importance.

We got to the church, and I met the pastor and his wife. B went in to rehearse with the band, and I got a tour of the church. I got to see their prayer room, and it was beautiful. B had already told me how cool it was, but I didn't get what he meant. When I walked into that little room, I was overcome. I felt a rushing of the Holy Spirit the moment I entered in, and I was immediately brought to tears. His presence simply amazed me, as it always does. We only stayed for a minute, then I went into the pastor's study and talked to him for bit.

I commented on how much I liked the cowboy-themed decor of his office, but the conversation quickly turned serious and he began to talk about losing his father in an accident when he was only seven (his dad's name was "Cowboy"). Every time I meet someone who has lost their father at a young age--especially a deeply spiritual person or someone in ministry--I always ask questions. I want to know what it was like for them growing up as a fatherless child. I like to ask them how God filled the void and what circumstances led them to where they are now. So I went to questioning.

I'm not even sure how it happened, but this conversation moved into the same topic as my earlier discussion with B. The pastor talked about how important our words are. He emphasized the importance of how we pray and the things we verbalize. Then he talked about our faith and how we must believe that we will receive the things we ask for through prayer.

I'm really not sure of everything that was said. When the Holy Spirit speaks through one person to another, the details of the conversation aren't always easy to recall. It's the message He pours into the heart of the recipient that matters. And I was very blessed to be on the receiving end.

The next thing I knew, the pastor's wife and I were back in the prayer room, and she was praying for healing for me. She asked me to listen to God and to let her know what He wants to heal me of. I named something, and she prayed. But then her prayer went into other areas of struggle that I hadn't mentioned. I was amazed at how the Holy Spirit was prompting her to pray. Then she began to proclaim that Jesus has covered all my past hurts, all the horrible memories, all the consequences of past decisions, even all the blame I've carried, placed on me by self and others. It's all under the Blood, and I am covered.

And the shackles fell.

This sweet pastor's wife had only just met me...I hadn't told her details...but she prayed as the Spirit led, and God healed me. The burden of all that I've been wrestling with for so long has been lifted. I AM HEALED. I've prayed for healing...now I've received it...I believe it...and I proclaim it, in Jesus' name!

I finally get it

Several years ago, a teacher at my school was suffering through a painful divorce. She and I talked often since I'd been through it, too. Her husband was in ministry, and I could see that she'd been an excellent helpmate for him. Deeply spiritual, she would talk to me about how her faith was growing and how she was learning to let God fill her void.

During a chat one day, she said something like "You know how it is...the Lord becomes your Husband." I nodded in agreement with her. But in my mind I was thinking, I have no earthly idea what she's talking about.

I never thought about that conversation again until recently. Now, years later, I think about how sad it is that I didn't seek God with passion during that season of my life. Yes, I prayed, but I didn't seek His will. Instead, I asked Him to give me what I wanted and then plunged right in, never really listening to what He had to say about it. Oh, the heartache I could've avoided if only I had sought Him....

I'm told that when one writes a book, it's ideal to speak from a platform. I've been praying about this, and at last, I think my platform is springing forth out of the ash heap. My passion is to see others seek God in times of pain and tragedy. We must seek Him every day, even when life is going smoothly.

But when the times get hard and the fear, discouragement, and loneliness set in, for some reason it's so tempting to run somewhere else besides Him. I don't know why that is, but if I've learned anything, it's that He is always there, no matter what. We can't always say that about the people we love and depend on, but we can say it about Him. He will not fail us under any circumstances.

My most popular post of all time continues to be one I wrote on this subject, about how He fills the void in my life. People need to know this about Him--that He is waiting to fill us and bless us abundantly. But we have to make room for Him.

I want hurting people to know that He's the one they can turn to when their situation becomes desperate. It's futile to look for our worth, identity, or fulfillment in another person, but looking to the Lord Jesus is a different story altogether. He is the only One in Whom we can find strength, love, rest, redemption, grace, mercy...you name it, He provides it. There is no way we'll be shortchanged when we let Him fill the void. He wants to make up for all we've lost, as well as all we never had in the first place.

And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.  Psalm 9:10 

An expectant heart

On my first day as a teacher almost fourteen years ago, my dad brought a new plant to my classroom. All these years I have kept this plant alive, which hasn't been an easy task since my thumb in no way resembles any shade of green.

This past winter I forgot about my plant one night during a severe freeze and accidentally left it out on the porch. I brought it in the next morning as soon as I remembered it, but it began to wilt immediately, and despite my desperate attempts to revive it, it looked dead within a few days. I know it was just a plant, but it meant something to me and I was really upset with myself for leaving it outside to wither and die in the freeze.

But even after all the leaves had fallen off, I noticed that at the very base of the plant there was still the tiniest bit of green. So I called the greenest thumb I know to ask her what I could do, and she said that if there was any green left at all, there was still hope. She advised me to use some root stimulator on it, water it, put it in a window, and then just hope for the best. So I complied, and then I waited.

At first I didn't have much hope at all. But as the days passed, I began to notice new growth----and then I truly began to hope. Before long I found myself believing that my plant would live.

A few weeks after that freeze, I was standing by the window one day looking at this plant. I pondered the new life sprouting up out of the dirt, and I thought about how this plant's circumstances had all but killed it, yet here it was, still alive. Then the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said You are like this plant. Your circumstances have all but killed you, but you are going to make it.

The Lord used my little plant blunder to increase my faith and to give me new hope thr0ugh His assurance that I am, indeed, going to make it. And not only will I make it, but I am going to thrive and flourish because my God is the ultimate Root Stimulator, and He looks after me with all the extra care and tenderness I need, that He may bring restoration and revival to my soul.

There is nothing like having real hope---the kind that has been poured straight out of God's own heart and into mine. Wonderful things are coming!

Hebrews 11:1  Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

My Healer

Isaiah 53:5  But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.

I always thought that healing was merely something to ask for when someone got sick. As a child I used to read the prayer lists in the church bulletin every Sunday. I grew up hearing my pastor and our deacons pray for sick church members. I've grown to love reading the accounts in the gospels where Jesus healed the sick. I have witnessed my own sick daughter prayed for and then watched her break into a sweat as her fever broke before our very eyes by the end of the prayer. There is power in the name of Jesus.

But since I've never had any real health problems, I never thought much about needing healing for myself. And then tragedy struck our home and family, and my world was turned upside down. Suddenly my life was in such upheaval that I very quickly came to understand the need for a healing of a very different type than any I had ever considered before.  I had no choice but to turn to my Healer and beg Him to pick up the fragments of my shattered soul.

Psalm 147:3  He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

It wasn't easy in those early days as I was learning to fill the void in our family with Jesus. I was tortured for a very long time with flashbacks of horrible things I saw and heard on the day of our tragedy. I began to cling to scriptures that promised healing, and my new thirst for the Word was very different from my quest to learn and recite memory verses each week as a child. This time, I felt I would die without His precious promises. Without the assurance of His healing, I felt completely hopeless.

Countless people prayed for us during those months, and I always noticed that they prayed in faith, believing that God would grant what they were asking Him for. They believed that He would answer their pleas on our behalf---that He would heal us, that we would be blessed abundantly, and that He would turn all the bad in our lives to good. So through the example of some amazing prayer warriors, and because I could see the work He was already doing in our lives, little by little my faith increased and I began to more fervently claim healing for my family. Today I know Jesus in a much deeper way than I ever did before. I personally know Him as Healer of the brokenhearted.

Just as surely as Jesus defeated death and overcame the enemy, and just as surely as He took away our sins and rose from the dead, through that same incredible power He can most certainly bring healing to us today, in whatever ways we need it. He still does miracles every day. He heals the sick...He reunites broken homes and families...He repairs friendships...He revives churches..and He restores souls.

Lord Jesus, as I meditate on Your sacrifice for me on this Resurrection Sunday morning, I humbly attempt to express to You my gratitude. I believe You are my Healer. Thank You for all You suffered so that I could be healed, forgiven, and blessed with eternal life---for this was the greatest miracle of all.

Dwelling

Philippians 4:8  Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

I’m a dweller. I tend to over-analyze everything. I dwell on what has happened in the past, what should have happened but didn’t, what might happen in the future, what is happening now, and even what should be happening now but isn’t. I’m sure you get the ridiculous picture. But the fact is that I’m really not in control of anything. Life happens, and my circumstances overwhelm me--and I begin to dwell, usually on the negatives. I obsess, I stress, I lose my temper, I cry, I throw fits--and life just becomes one big stormy mess. The winds rage and the waters swirl around me, rising higher and overtaking me.  And the more I focus on what’s going on around me, the louder and scarier and more threatening the storm becomes.

But if I can just get still and quiet enough to listen, the Holy Spirit reminds me that my focus is off. He shows me that I can have His peace if only I will take my eyes off of the storm and look toward the center and upward and focus on my Savior rather than my circumstances. I can choose what to dwell on. I can choose to think about good things--things that are pure and lovely, things that are noble and just and of virtue. I can choose to dwell on the blessings in my life, and there are too many of them to count. I can actively begin to praise Him for taking care of me, thanking Him in faith that He is going to rescue me and shield me from the storms of life. His peace is there for me to receive, and I’m crazy to choose to dwell on my circumstances rather than dwelling on my Jesus. When I keep my eyes on Jesus, nothing else matters, and I can rest in Him and trust in His sovereign hand at work in my life.

Back during my earliest stages of mourning, at times I was so wracked with grief that it became a physical issue. Sometimes I literally felt a "pressing in" on my chest to the point where I found it difficult to breathe. It happened a lot when I was alone and driving. I remember feeling like I was drowning, and I would have to gasp for air. I learned in these moments to listen to and dwell on the words to “I Need Thee Every Hour”. I’m sure I must’ve listened to that old hymn a thousand times by now. But the Lord used those words to teach me just how desperately I need Him--that He is sufficient for me even when I feel I've lost everything.

There are certain things I can’t allow myself to dwell on anymore; certain memories are just too painful. But through it all I’ve learned that sometimes there’s really nothing else to do but turn my eyes to Him and just dwell there. It's amazing how He calms the storms in my life. The truth is that when I'm willing to keep my eyes on Him, my terrible circumstances suddenly don't seem all that terrible anymore. He helps me know where to dwell, keeping me focused so that I can meditate on all that’s good in my life—and that makes all the difference.

I Need Thee Every Hour

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;


No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

          Refrain:
      I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;


                  Every hour I need Thee;
 

                  Oh, bless me now, my Savior,


                  I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;


Temptations lose their pow’r when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;


Come quickly and abide, or life is vain.

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;


And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;


Oh, make me Thine indeed, Thou blessed Son.

~Annie S. Hawks, 1872 (Public Domain)

The Love of my life

Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. 5 For your Maker is your husband, The Lord of Hosts is His name; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. Isaiah 54:4

I've had two failed marriages, and I'm not proud of it. The first one ended in a painful divorce after eight years. The second lasted just shy of ten years and ended in tragic loss of life. God's word says that a husband and wife are one flesh, so no matter whether a marriage is good or bad, losing a spouse feels like being ripped in half. Few things are more devastating. Each time I married, he was the love of my life. Each time my love left me, I felt like my broken heart would never mend.

What I am growing to understand, and what has brought incredible healing to my heart, is that God is more than able to fill the void left by an absent mate. And I need to let Him. I can't make a person my center--not even a husband. Nor do I want to be another person's center. I'm pretty sure that the secret to a good marriage is in both partners making the Lord Jesus their center.  Only then do we begin to desire His mind and His heart, and learn to love with His love. Not that I can speak from experience, but I'm convinced today that a marriage like that would be amazing. I pray that some day down the road the Lord will bless me with another chance.

But for now I have a new Love, and He's been patiently waiting for me to notice Him all along. He writes me letters and gives me the most amazing gifts. He desperately wants to spend time with me. He is so in love with me I could cry just thinking about it. He has a big, beautiful plan for me with more in store than I can dream of. And despite the dreadfully imperfect love I have to offer Him in return, He treats me like a princess and wants our relationship to go to depths no words can describe. He loves me utterly and without condition. He is the perfect Mate.

It's hard raising kids alone. Sometimes I freak out when things happen. Maybe one of the kids does something wrong and I don't know how to handle it...or I want to buy them a treat, but maybe I'll spoil...or they are fighting too much over whose turn it is to do chores. In the midst of the chaos and uncertainty, I find myself looking around for someone who'll tell me what to do, and I curse my circumstances because I don't have anyone to cry with.

But then I am reminded that I do have a Husband. And this Husband has known about every single tear I've ever shed and has cried all of them with me. His wisdom is greater and far above that of anyone else I could talk to about how to be a good mother. When I just want to scream because I have no idea what to say or how to discipline, or whether I should make a particular purchase, or which vehicle would be best, or even what house plan to choose or which lot to build on, I have the Holy Spirit to counsel me with so much more wisdom than an earthly husband ever could. And He is helping me every single day to know how to run a hectic household and raise four incredible children in spite of everything.

But I have to do my part, too.

I must accept His love.
I must listen to His still, small voice and let Him guide me.
I must seek Him every single day and let Him fill the empty places in my life.

 He truly does make up for all that's missing in my life. And with my Husband's help, I am going to make it.

Shattered

I didn't see any way out of the pit that May afternoon, standing under the cemetery tent, staring at the polished wood of the casket that contained my husband's body. The mother of four school-aged children, I wondered how I would make it. Where could I possibly go from there? I knew the Lord would help me through, but I was so shattered and broken that I couldn't imagine how I would ever get past the grief and utter devastation of it all. Hundreds of loved ones spoke words of peace and comfort to me in those days just following our tragedy, but even though I remember clearly that they were there for me, I can't tell you what they said.

Except in one specific case. Someone at the gravesite that day had come just for the sole purpose of delivering a message to me. I didn't know her well; she was merely an acquaintance who taught at my school. But what she said to me, I will never forget until the day I pass from this life. She said that the Lord wanted me to know something--that the greater the need, the greater the grace...the greater the tragedy, the greater the opportunity for God to show Himself as Almighty. In the very moment I heard those words, that message went straight into my heart. My memory of those days is cloudy, but I do know that that experience was a turning point for me, and from that moment on I resolved to trust Him, knowing that somehow, some way, He would pull me out of the deepest, darkest pit of despair I had ever known.

I could tell you so many stories (and maybe I will), but for now, suffice it to say that God has literally blown me away time and time again since that day in the cemetery almost two years ago. I have seen God's providential hand constantly at work in my life, orchestrating absolutely everything, even down to the tiniest detail. I have experienced such abundant blessing that sometimes I can hardly contain it. I never dreamed something so tragic as what happened to my children and me could lead to a joyful, victorious life with such an outpouring of agape from the precious Spirit of God. But that's God Almighty for you.

It was all so horrific and terrifying, and I couldn't see a way past any of it at first...but God. He is just so big, so strong, so mighty, so loving, and He desires good things for us. Not just good things, but things that are truly wonderful beyond our wildest imagination. That's my God. I thank Him every day for loving the wretched mess-that-was-me right out of despondency and back to living again, this time for Him. I thank God that He is healing me and binding up my broken heart. And I thank Him for taking what the enemy meant for evil and turning it into something beautiful. Only He can make a shattered person whole again.

Thank You, Jesus, for redeeming my life from destruction, thank You for the wonderful things we see You doing for us every day when we pay attention, and thank You that by Your stripes, we are healed.