What's in the heart?

Recently someone wrote something mean about me---something that suggested that I don't live the things I write about. When I read it, my heart sank and I got that cannon-ball-in-the-stomach feeling. But a scripture instantly came to mind:

But You, O Lord, are a Shield about me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head. (Psalm 3:3)

I tried for days to dwell on this scripture and not be hurt by the cutting words. I tried very hard---and I did well in the beginning. I do believe He is my Shield. If He wasn't, I'd be in trouble. I realize that I can't put myself out there the way I do on this blog and not expect readers to take issue with me at times, or to see that I fall short regarding the topics I write about. I know that people who open themselves up publicly like I'm doing need a thick skin.

Sometimes when others hurt us, the initial shock is numbing. Maybe we're fine at first, but then the memory of what hurt us keeps coming to mind, and we are more affected by it. I've tried to tell myself that this person's comment didn't hurt... but the fact is, it did hurt. It hurt deeply. Today, two weeks later, all I've wanted to do is cry about it. What was only a scratch in the beginning has grown to be quite a deep wound. My skin just isn't very thick at all.

In the past couple of years I have been faced with so much accusation, so much blame, so much heartache over the untrue things that others believe about me---and I've been learning some hard lessons in forgiveness. I'm just a regular person who messes up often, redeemed and living by grace, trying to please God and do what's right in His sight...but things don't always appear that way to others.

We can look at someone and take what we see at face value. But that doesn't mean we know their heart.

Perhaps this is one way I can grow through these painful experiences of judgment and blame. I've always heard that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. But I do. Oh, I definitely do. And I don't want to anymore, because my experience tells me that things just aren't always as they seem.

Lord, help me know You as my Shield. This hurts, but I know You are here to comfort me. Help me allow You to do just that. And help me remember that things aren't necessarily the way they appear. Help me not forget that only You can know another person's heart. Help me to love others with Your love and to let You do the judging. Amen.