How I walk now

Romans 8:5  For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6 For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

Maybe it shouldn't be funny to me, but I laugh at how my fourteen-year-old son describes it when I lose my temper. He says I "go all crazy" on him. Mind you, he's the same kid who says I'm "yelling" at him even if it's only a gentle correction delivered in my normal speaking voice. But as much as I hate to admit it, all too often he's right. When things don't go my way, I have to work very hard not to go completely nuts. For most of my life I have exercised no restraint when it came to holding my tongue, keeping my voice low, refraining from throwing things, saying things I shouldn't, or any other form of self-control. I cringe when I consider how much I really do have to be ashamed of regarding my behavior, both past and present.

My problem is that I tend to walk each day in the flesh rather than in the Spirit. In the flesh, I see everyday occurrences as irritations...I see people as annoying...I see every little nuisance as just another addition to my ever-increasing mountain of stress...and I always think yelling will somehow make me feel better, so I just give in and throw my fits. But the truth is that reacting in fits of rage doesn't make me feel the least bit better. Instead it brings feelings of guilt and condemnation and regret for being such a poor example to those I love and whom God has entrusted to my care.

But the Lord has taught me that the road to real peace requires me to walk in the Spirit. In the Spirit, I strive to be like Jesus. I choose to love people rather than merely put up with them. I see life's little nuisances not as permission to blow my fuse, but as opportunity to exhibit patience. I choose to speak words that build up and exhort rather than tear down and discourage. In the Spirit, I see everything in a completely different light. The things that matter to me when in the flesh just aren't nearly as big a deal anymore, and even more importantly, when I walk in the Spirit, others will know it because they will see fruit.

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

There is no way I can bear fruit while yelling, throwing things, or any other form of "going all crazy". It's a conscious decision I have to make daily, hourly, even moment by moment. And the more determined I am to walk in the Spirit, the more determined the enemy is to throw things in my path to trip me up. Just this morning I told myself that no matter how many things were going wrong to make me late for work, I would not succumb to my old habits and throw a fit. Despite my stressful week filled with late-night ball games, church functions, programs at work,  and preoccupation with the busy weekend ahead, I really, really did not want to go nuts. I wanted to walk in the Spirit. But the traffic finally did me in, and I reverted to my fleshly ways for a moment. Disappointed in myself, I quickly repented and then apologized to my one child who witnessed my fit (incidentally, the same son who calls episodes like this "going all crazy"). I went on to have a good day--but then tonight, guess what I did? I had another moment and went nuts...again.

Galatians 6:8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.

The battle against flesh is never-ending. I'm so thankful that it's all under the Blood and I am covered by His grace. I get to start over again and again, as many times as it takes. But of one thing I am certain: there is nothing good about my flesh. The only thing good in me is Jesus. In Him I am fruitful, and to live by His Holy Spirit brings life and love and peace.

Thank you, Lord, for teaching me to walk in Your Spirit, and thank You that You are a God of infinite chances. Help me to live my life in a way that I may bear Your fruit. Do whatever You have to do in me to make me even more fruitful with each passing day.