Risky Business

"Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."  - Anais Nin

I ran across this quote the other day, and I was intrigued when I thought about how relevant these words are to my life right now. So many times I'm afraid to open myself up to new possibilities, even when God flings new doors wide open and calls me to walk through them. It's a simple fear of the unknown.

Maybe I'll fail, maybe I'll look stupid, maybe it'll hurt. Perhaps it would be better to stay like I am rather than take a chance on the embarrassment of stumbling, falling, or even breaking a leg while venturing down a new path. It just isn't worth the risk, in spite of the possibility that I might succeed. So, I don't blossom.

I wish I were one of those unique souls in life whose creativity flows forth in abundance.  I wish I were fearless enough to put myself out there and not worry about what might happen. But I'm the opposite. I can write one chapter of a book and then feel like I'd rather die than let someone read it, because to do so feels to me like walking naked in a crowd.

I'm sure I've failed to blossom the way God intended me to. I've been far too self-conscious, too afraid of what others will think, too afraid they'll laugh at me or pity me or think I look stupid.

But I'd like to take a risk and see what else is out there for me. The unsettled feeling I've had lately is about to drive me crazy. I'm no longer content with staying constrained inside my bud. In fact, it has become quite painful to remain here. To venture out and bloom is to risk further pain and rejection, but I'm starting to see that taking a risk every now and then is necessary in order to fulfill God's purpose for my life.

So, what will hurt worse? To stay tightly inside my bud, or to take a chance and bloom?

It is God who arms me with strength, And makes my way perfect.  Psalm 18:32

 Lord, I want to blossom. Grow me into all that You intended me to be. Take my words and make them Yours. May You be glorified through me.  Amen.