Father, forgive me

I'm unsettled over the death of Osama bin Laden. When I first heard the news, I felt apprehensive about what might happen next. But then I got on Facebook and started reading all the celebratory status updates, and, frankly, I felt sick to my stomach. I know he committed unspeakable acts that costs thousands of lives. I know he deserved to die. I understand that his death is considered a huge step forward for our nation in the war on terrorism. I just wonder if we as Christians should be celebrating someone's death, regardless of the circumstances. I can't get excited about someone's eternal separation from God, no matter who he is or what he's done. Jesus died to save all of us. How tragic when someone refuses the gift of His salvation. I deserve hell, too, but praise God I've been redeemed.

As I've pondered these things, I've thought a lot about forgiveness. I personally feel that forgiving others is the most difficult thing God calls us to do. Forgiving is never easy for me even when I'm walking in love, but when I'm in the flesh it's impossible.

When I was a younger person, I loved to hold grudges. Someone could apologize and I didn't accept it if I wasn't through being angry yet. It took me years to understand that unforgiveness hurts me more than it does my offender. I always used to want them to suffer the way I had, so the longer I could hold out on extending mercy, the better. I'm so ashamed. Who was I to withhold forgiveness from someone who was truly sorry when Jesus forgives me the instant I ask Him to and casts my sins as far as the east is from the west?

But what about when someone hurts you and they aren't even sorry? In this case, forgiveness requires pure determination. It is absolutely a decision we make. It's not a feeling--that's for sure. Life can be so cruel in its unfairness sometimes. People misjudge us. They wrongly accuse us. Much of the time they don't care to know our perspective and they believe things about us that just aren't true. And it's so difficult to just be okay with that and forgive, especially when they continue to hurt us and it keeps on hurting.

Sometimes the people we need to forgive are gone from this earth. How are we supposed to forgive then? We certainly won't get an apology. I've stood in front of someone's picture and screamed questions of "why?" and "how could you?", knowing I'll never get an answer and things will never be resolved. I live daily with the consequences of someone's devastating decision made in haste, and the only thing left to do is forgive, ask God for a new start, and forge ahead. Much of the time I have to start over every day and ask Him to help me forgive all over again. I pray that some day I'll be "grown up" enough spirituallly to succeed once and for all, but I do know that forgiveness has nothing to do with my offender and everything to do with me.

Luke 23:34  Then Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do."

I'm not very good at this forgiving thing, but I would love to be as good at it as Jesus is. And what deepens this desire in me is to picture my Savior dying on a cross. I see Him shedding His blood to cleanse me of my sin. I hear Him pleading for me... "Father, forgive Amy, for she knows not what she does....". I know I don't even realize all that I have done to put Jesus on the cross.

I hurt Him; He forgives me. Without exception.

Who am I, then, not to forgive? To say "they don't deserve it" or "they aren't even sorry" or "they hurt me too deeply" seems so lame when I remember what Jesus did for me. Whatever it might cost me to forgive others will never in any way compare to what it cost Him to forgive me. Help me, Lord, to live by Your example.