Shattered

I didn't see any way out of the pit that May afternoon, standing under the cemetery tent, staring at the polished wood of the casket that contained my husband's body. The mother of four school-aged children, I wondered how I would make it. Where could I possibly go from there? I knew the Lord would help me through, but I was so shattered and broken that I couldn't imagine how I would ever get past the grief and utter devastation of it all. Hundreds of loved ones spoke words of peace and comfort to me in those days just following our tragedy, but even though I remember clearly that they were there for me, I can't tell you what they said.

Except in one specific case. Someone at the gravesite that day had come just for the sole purpose of delivering a message to me. I didn't know her well; she was merely an acquaintance who taught at my school. But what she said to me, I will never forget until the day I pass from this life. She said that the Lord wanted me to know something--that the greater the need, the greater the grace...the greater the tragedy, the greater the opportunity for God to show Himself as Almighty. In the very moment I heard those words, that message went straight into my heart. My memory of those days is cloudy, but I do know that that experience was a turning point for me, and from that moment on I resolved to trust Him, knowing that somehow, some way, He would pull me out of the deepest, darkest pit of despair I had ever known.

I could tell you so many stories (and maybe I will), but for now, suffice it to say that God has literally blown me away time and time again since that day in the cemetery almost two years ago. I have seen God's providential hand constantly at work in my life, orchestrating absolutely everything, even down to the tiniest detail. I have experienced such abundant blessing that sometimes I can hardly contain it. I never dreamed something so tragic as what happened to my children and me could lead to a joyful, victorious life with such an outpouring of agape from the precious Spirit of God. But that's God Almighty for you.

It was all so horrific and terrifying, and I couldn't see a way past any of it at first...but God. He is just so big, so strong, so mighty, so loving, and He desires good things for us. Not just good things, but things that are truly wonderful beyond our wildest imagination. That's my God. I thank Him every day for loving the wretched mess-that-was-me right out of despondency and back to living again, this time for Him. I thank God that He is healing me and binding up my broken heart. And I thank Him for taking what the enemy meant for evil and turning it into something beautiful. Only He can make a shattered person whole again.

Thank You, Jesus, for redeeming my life from destruction, thank You for the wonderful things we see You doing for us every day when we pay attention, and thank You that by Your stripes, we are healed.